Fertility. There have been so many questions, comments, suggestions, over the years…
(a little disclaimer – if as you read this post you find yourself or your statements described in any of the examples I share please know this: I in no way intend criticism, I am not upset about things that have been said to me personally. That is not the focus of what I am writing today. This post is about walking a road that requires shoes that can handle the rocky and uneven path of pure unexplainable faith. This post is to encourage, to support, to champion the walk. Perhaps as you walk alongside someone on that path, you would do best to simply help them along when the road is rough, without attempting to provide direction. In love and honesty, and with thanks to those who have done that for me, I write these words…)
And so it begins.
When you are married, when you desire children, when you have been given clear direction from the Lord that He intends to give them biologically (more about that in another post), there is an expectation in our world that you will become pregnant. With little delay.
We find ourselves caught in what is expected.
There is an expectation that it is acceptable for those around you to ask questions about the process, to suggest reasons why it hasn’t yet happened, to comment on their own situation and what you might do to model it.
There is an expectation that if these promises from the Lord are not happening ‘right away’ (what does that even mean, and why do we assume to know?), that you should “do something” about it.
What is failed to be expected is the confusion, fear, guilt, and worst of all, constant under the surface pain that all these expectations cause. What is failed to be expected is the on-your-knees-sobbing-before-the-Lord moments that no one knows about. What is failed to be expected is that the result of all the questions, comments, and suggestions is the worst possible outcome for the person walking the rocky path of faith…Doubt in the heart of the God who is walking right next to them on that road.
We have to let the expectations go.
I will tell you this. I have no answers, reasons, or explanations. I have been cared for medically (most of us walking this path are far more thorough in this area than you could, or should, know). We have mapped out the science and the timing faithfully for months on end. We have prayed and pleaded and petitioned.
And we have come to one conclusion upon which we will firmly stand. He is good. He loves us. He desires and fully plans to bring these children that we long for more than we could explain. He is not a man that He should lie (Numbers 23:19), and we shall not be put to shame who wait for Him (Isaiah 49:23b).
Bill Johnson says of faith, in his book When Heaven Invades Earth, that “it grabs hold of an invisible reality and won’t let go” (p.55). So that is what we do. We take hold of the invisible (right now, to us) reality of His promise and we won’t let go. We believe Him. We know who He is. We let His praise be constantly on our lips.
We need to know we are not alone.
So here is what I say, to those of you walking this uneven path…Tie up those shoes tight and keep walking. You’re not alone. You’re not wrong to keep believing what you know He has said. Stay close and keep talking to Him, let your hearing be continually in the now. He is by very nature faithful.
And here is what I say, to those of you close to someone walking their uneven path…Buy them new laces. Help repair the soles of their tired and worn out shoes. Point them continually to the One they are walking with. Join them in grabbing ahold of those yet to be visible things. They will be forever grateful.
“And He has put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many shall see and fear and put their trust in Him” (Psalm 40:3). Thank You Lord for these uneven paths, where many will come to see You through the miracles that You do.
Support for the walk.
If you don’t know Him this way, if you don’t know if you want to, if you need encouragement where you are walking…please know I want to hear from you. Don’t walk the road alone. Reach out and I’ll be in touch.
If you are interested in Bill Johnson’s book, you can find it here: When Heaven Invades Earth Expanded Edition: A Practical Guide to a Life of Miracles by Bill Johnson (2013-03-19)
I admit I have had this book on my shelf for roughly 8 years and hadn’t opened it until about a month ago…perhaps it was finally just the right time, but I’m so glad I had it and decided to open it up. This book has been a wonderful resource reminding me of Scripture and the truth of God’s heart toward me, and my position as His child to pray with faith and hope.
I have been writing in a prayer journal for many years. This has taken on various different formats, but it is so helpful to journal your prayers and the Scriptures related to your walk. Keep a record of what God is saying, what encouragement and direction you receive. This allows you to look back and remember, and to see what He has done.
And most of all…
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being here.